I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
