I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
