I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
