All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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