i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Drunk is a universal language darling
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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