I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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