Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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