Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
