We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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