I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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