Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
