I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's shark week go big or go home
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
