We're facebook friends in real life
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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