you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
