This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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