i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
