I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
