The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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