So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
