They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
