That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
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bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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