U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
