Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
