Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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