ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
