I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
