How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
