Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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