you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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