I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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