the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
