I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish you could order shots online.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
