if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
