I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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