I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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