the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have already put on my inside pants.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
