i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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