I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
