glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
