Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
