woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize