My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
