I want to stick my p in your. b.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
