She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
