Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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