I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
