apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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