Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
