so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
