you turned your livingroom into a bong?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
