When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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