My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
