my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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