Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Bring me that man meat
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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