did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
