bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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