Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
